“Sadly, too many parents measure the spiritual temperature of their children by their ability to abstain from worldliness, instead of how deeply attracted they are to godliness”
“If I fervently nurture holiness in the life of my children, then, I can faithfully trust God to keep them from worldliness.”
“I missed out on the possibilty of tragedy and the potential for sadness, by growing up in a good home, that offered me the possibilty of godliness and the potential for happiness.”
You find so many mixed reviews when you start asking kids what it is like to grow up in a preacher’s home. For many, they will immediately whine about the pressure of growing up in the ministry “bubble”. “I can’t be myself”, they will often exclaim, “because everyone is watching me.” Some will complain about being made to look and dress a certain way. I have to do all these things just because my dad is the pastor. I could list dozens of preachers’ kids who are grown now and have no desire to be a part of church or ministry. They will say that they got burned out, mistreated, forced into, missed out, pin-pointed, and many other phrases that can present their cause on how bad life was for them. I also know of countless young people who have a grateful heart that they grew up around the ministry, governed by guidelines, encouraged to serve, committed to set a testimony for other young people. The “bubble” for them is a privilege that they do not take lightly. They count it reasonable to be different for the sake of the Savior as well as their parents.
I do believe that parents can have a great deal to do with the attitude their children have toward being a preacher’s kid. Some parents will push the guidelines without preparing the hearts. If the children have learned how to love the Lord and love their parents, then it can be a reasonable service not to conform to the world. If our homes can be a haven of love and happiness, then walking out into the “bubble” for a while does not seem to be a great sacrifice. I’m thinking of a large family that was in the ministry for several years. Two of the children came to hear me preach at a church and I saw them weeping through the whole service. They came to the altar and said that their hearts had been refreshed through the service. Afterwards, they asked if they could speak to me for a few minutes. They said they could not go into a lot of detail, but they felt like they could never be under their dad’s ministry again. They talked about some of the ways that they had been put through “prison-camp” when it came to the ministry. They said that Dad is someone completely different when he is away from other preachers. I’ve tried to keep up with those young people as much as I can and as far as I know, none of them are in the ministry and most of them do not go to church at all. Some of the kids are living a gothic life. I wonder if growing up in a home void of real love and happiness sent them down that trail. A preacher’s home, of all homes, should be a testimony of love, forgiveness, sincerity, servitude, joyfulness and grace. Maybe we should spend more time building our children than using them to build our ministries.
I was thankful to grow up as a PK. My parents are my heroes. The ministry was my life. From the time I was ten I was actively involved in serving in the church. My parents were not perfect, but they were perfect to me. Their love made the ministry easy for me to commit to. I saw people hurt them, but they did not become bitter. I saw them give without being giving to, without any complaint. What people saw of them at church was what they were at home. I have always happily and thankfully worn the “PK” banner.
I want to share with you ten pearls of truth that I learned from growing up “PK”
1. I was able to see the faith of preachers. I had the joy of spending time with numerous preachers growing up. I was privileged to fellowship with Lee Roberson, Tom Williams, John R. Rice, Bill Rice, Jack Hyles, Bob Kelly, Jack Hudson, Paul Levin, and so many other missionaries and pastors. Two things that stuck out in my mind from these great men of God were their faith and their grace. Each were an example to me to step out by faith and to treat people with grace. I was humbled that some of these great men of God would eat and fellowship with a young boy like me and spend time telling me how God had worked in their life. It made me respect the men of God and care for the men of God. I had a more gracious view of my father after spending time with these saints of God.
2. I acquired a taste for preaching. We have all heard that the more you are around something, you acquire a taste for it. That was the way preaching was for me. From an early age, I could not get enough of it. My dad preached many revival meetings when I was growing up and I loved going with him. We would often travel a couple of hours away to go to a meeting and Dad and I would get to talk about the ministry. On the way home, we would often turn on the radio and I remember listening to Maze Jackson, J. Harold Smith, and others preaching on the radio. I couldn’t get enough of it. I learned to love loud preaching, soft preaching, long preaching, short preaching, topical, textual, expository, and on down the line. As much as I loved sports, recreation, hunting and fishing, I loved preaching. Growing up “PK” did not push me away from preaching, it gave me a deeper love.
3. I developed a love for people. I saw my parents give themselves unconditionally to the people God have given to them, often times it was with no thankfulness in return. Sometimes it was met with resistance and disdain, but I saw them give, not for what they would get in return, but for God’s blessing. What a great lesson for me to learn as a young man. I was able to learn early that people who are hurting need love no matter how hard their exterior may seem to be. God gave himself for people. The ministry is for people. The pastor’s life is people. I learned to love people while growing up “PK”.
4. I learned to love the church. I feel sorry for preachers’ kids that leave the home and never darken the door of the church again. Many of them, sadly, never saw God in the church or in the home. They were made to put on their church look when they walked into the church building. They were made to appreciate church without being encouraged to have a relationship with the God of the church. Early in my years church became my life, my heartbeat, my encouragement, my pleasure, my strength. Much of my love for church came because my parents encouraged me to love God. Some of the greatest memories of my youth were at the church altar, the bus route, the Sunday School class. I looked forward to revival time as much as youth activity time. I can honestly say that my parents helped to instill in me a lasting love for the house of God.
5. I was taught to make priorities in life. I found out early that one of the keys of life was putting things in priority. God was always first in our home. It was never sports or any other form of recreation. When I was in high school I was addicted to basketball. Every moment possible, I was at the YMCA playing basketball. My junior year, I was given all-american honors. My high school team was doing good that year. I would like to think that I had a big part in their success (I’m not sure that is true). We had come to the week of a major tournament that our team was involved in. The same week was the week of our revival at church. I felt like my team really needed me, but my dad felt like I really needed the revival. I missed the tournament that week and came to the revival. You know what, I never have regretted that my dad taught me some priorities. I still love sports, but God’s work is far more important in my eyes. Other priorities have made a difference in my life. I have come to understand through the life of a “PK”, that the ministry is not near as important as is my family. Many pastors lose their families because they nourish the ministry more than the home. I realized a long time ago that I do not have a ministry if my family is not in order. I’m grateful that I was able to gain priorities growing up “PK”.
6. I learned I had to be myself. Growing up, I was identified often times as Tom Lancaster’s son. I did not mind that at all. I was thankful for what a wonderful preacher Dad was. Some people said we looked alike. As I got older, some said that we talked alike. As I was growing up, I found that I quickly adopted the beliefs of parents. Their doctrine was mine. Their convictions were mine. Their love for the ministry was mine. As I grew older, Dad began to direct me that the way they believed could direct me, but I would have to form my own beliefs and carry them as my own convictions. I’m thankful that at a young age I learned my convictions and beliefs for myself from the Word of God. I see too many young people who carry their parents’ beliefs until they get out of the house. Because they were not personally grounded with their beliefs, they changed completely from how they were raised. Growing up “PK” taught me that I could not stand on who my parents were, I had to be myself.
7. I learned to take hurt. I found out early in the life of being a “PK” that people are going to hurt you in the ministry. It seemed that the people who my parents invested the most in would sometimes be the ones who hurt them the most. I saw my dad do good things for people who had just hurt him deeply. As a young man, I could not understand that. I always wanted to go and take care of the issue for my parents. I felt like a good chewing out would always solve the problem. I found out early that you must try not to take hurt personally. People often do things before they think and it was really not to hurt you personally. I heard my dad say, more than once, “that God would fight our battles for us”. From growing up “PK”, I have learned that you will get hurt in the ministry, but learn to have the grace of God not to fight back at those who hurt you.
8. I learned to enjoy the ministry. Over the years I have had the opportunity to mop floors, clean toilets, work on buses, drive buses, clean buses, visit people, stack chairs, work sound systems, set up sound systems, teach Sunday School, teach children church, preach, do youth activities, go to camp, go to youth conferences, swallow goldfish, swallow worms, took pies in the face, drown in dunking booths, build walls, put on roofs, put down carpet, go on mission trips, cut grass, paint walls, take up offering, usher, count money, clean up flooded church floors, put in lights, perform weddings, perform funerals, watch people step over into Glory, visit people in prison, and on the list goes. I’m thankful that growing up “PK” did not make me disdain all these things, but it just caused me to enjoy it more.
If you are the child of a missionary or pastor, learn to love the opportunity that God has placed you in.
Can two walk together except they be agreed
Couples must agree on their DIRECTION in life.
Couples must agree on their DEVOTION to God and each other.
Couples must agree on their DEPENDENCE on God in every part of their marriage.
Couples must agree on the DOCTRINE of the Word of God.
Couples must agree on their DISCIPLINE of their children.
Couples must agree on their DESIRE to romance each other.
In Genesis 18:17-19 the Bible says this, 17- And the Lord said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do; 18- Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? 19- For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgement; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.
We find here in this simple passage one of the greatest statements that could be said about a father, and this encouraging statement is being told by God, Himself. The watchful eye of the Lord was looking at the care of Abraham for his children and family and he said, “For I know him, that he will command his children, and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord,..” What an awesome revelation to be given by an omniscient God, who knows the thoughts and intents of our hearts. He said of Abraham that I know he will nurture his home in the ways of the Lord. This is a wonderful testimony to be given of the character, wisdom, devotion and love of a godly father. There were many who could have given outward assurance of what a righteous man Abraham was. They watched his steps, followed his pattern, listened to his teaching, and all of that could have brought many to the same conclusion that God portrayed….but, God knew his heart, his thoughts, his motives. I wonder how many people who are watching us as parents, could clearly see that the desire of our heart is to keep our family in the way of the Lord. Could they come to this conclusion by taking notice of our priorities, our decisions, our worship, our faithfulness….but, even more, can God give a witness of what type of example we really are as parents?
I was interested to see if the scripture shed light on what things were noticed by God to bring Him to this conclusion about Abraham.
1. In Genesis 12:1-4. We find here that Abram had an Obedient Spirit. What God told Abram to do, he was quick to react in an obedient manner. Certainly, his family took notice of Abram’s response to God. Our children will be much more respective to God’s commands if they find parents quick to obey the will of God.
2. In Genesis 13. We find that Abraham chose to Make Decisions by Principle. Abraham did not make decisions out of convenience or gain, but by deciphering what would be best for his family, through the will of God. Certainly, we see the results of this decision in comparison to the failures of Lot.
3. In Genesis 14 & 15. We find that Abraham Relied on God to Sustain. Abraham was not going to look to the King of Sodom to bless him, but to the One who had always, sufficiently met his needs. Our children desperately need to see a trusting reliance on God to supply and sustain His children. How are our children ever going to learn to look to the Lord in time of need, if they do not see dad and mom doing the same?
4. In Genesis 18 & 19. We see that Abraham was concerned that he Provided a Godly Environment for His Family. Abraham knew that tragedy could come if he would allow his home to be lured into the worldliness and ungodliness of Sodom. The green pastures were not near as important to Abraham as was the peace of mind of being far from the snares of the devil. Too many parents are drawn into the trap of seeking for the green pastures more than protecting the hearts of their children. An atmosphere of godliness goes a long way in hedging our children from the alluring of the world.
Two illustrations come to my mind when I think about the comparisons of Abraham and Lot:
A man who I pastored came to me one day and somewhat indignantly said, “Pastor, I cannot get my family to want to come to church.” He said, “I need you to come by and talk to them and see if you could encourage them to become faithful.” I set up an appointment on Thursday to come by and meet with the family. I drove into the driveway and I was met in the front yard by the teen daughter. Dressed like a harlot, she was having a gleeful time making out with her boyfriend in the front yard. I guess, with acceptance of her dad and mom. I went from there to the front porch and was about to knock on the door. I heard from the back of the house the dad yelling and screaming at the teenage boy and the same was heard from the boy to the dad. All of this was reverberated by the sound of loud, rock music in the background. The dad finally came and invited me in. He asked me to sit down while he tried to round-up his family. Being, a nosey pastor, I started looking around the living room. I saw stacks of cd’s of godless music, dvd’s that you could tell by the cover where not healthy for anyone, spiritually. I could not see a Bible anywhere in sight. There was an atmosphere of worldliness, sensuality, unkindness, rebellion, and disobedience. I got the dad’s attention, and asked if I could speak to him a minute. To make a long story short, I told him, “I don’t need to talk to your family. I can see the reason your family does not care about the Lord. You have set up an atmosphere in the home that is breeding all this worldliness. The change has to begin with you.”
To look at the other side of the coin, another story comes to mind. I was preaching in a church one day and the pastor introduced some teens from a family that were going to come sing. They got up, and in a worshipful manner, they sang a beautiful song that ministered to my heart. After the service the teens came and very mannerly introduced themselves to my wife and me. They were first-class, confident, but respectful in their mannerisms. We inquired a little about their home. You could tell that they loved and respected their parents. I was impressed with the attitude of these teens. One day Julie and I were invited to come eat in their home. We were greeted at the door with handshakes and smiles from all the children and the parents. Beautiful music was playing in the background. A number of instruments were set up around the home that the children played. On the coffee tables were Bibles and songbooks and you could tell that they were well used. I heard “yes ma’am” and “yes sir”. I saw smiles on their faces and joy in their hearts. We did not see a television anywhere in sight and I could see very quickly what the reason was that caused these young people to catch our attention at that service.
These two examples did not come by mistake or chance. One home had an environment that encouraged the flesh and one had the environment to encourage the Spirit. One home was built to be blessed and one was built to be burdened. Oh, could it be said by God and others, that they know that we will teach our family in the way of the Lord.
“A seemingly, simple season of two parents being disobedient to God’s will may result in a lifetime of their children running from the will of God. Our children need to see our obedience to God, more than they need to hear our opinions of life.”
” I wonder how many children could have been salvaged if they had found real living, real love, and real laughter in the home.”
“May we plant in our children’s heart such a desire to know God, that when they grow older, the desire of their soul will be to know that same God in a far deeper way.”
“An atmosphere of holiness and love in the home, inspires godliness, grace and goodness to flourish.”
“If more family’s would begin with the Bible, in child-rearing, then, they would, most likely, not end up with the psychiatrist.”
‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’
Rebecca- age 8
‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’
Billy – age 4
‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’
Karl – age 5
‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’
Chrissy – age 6
‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’
Terri – age 4
‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’
Danny – age 7
‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss’
Emily – age 8
‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and listen.’
Bobby – age 7
‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,’
Nikka – age 6
‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’
Noelle – age 7
‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’
Tommy – age 6
‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’
Cindy – age 8
‘My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’
Clare – age 6
‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’
Elaine-age 5
‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’
Chris – age 7
‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’
Mary Ann – age 4
‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’
Lauren – age 4
‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ (what an image)
Karen – age 7
Truths for Today 