You find so many mixed reviews when you start asking kids what it is like to grow up in a preacher’s home. For many, they will immediately whine about the pressure of growing up in the ministry “bubble”. “I can’t be myself”, they will often exclaim, “because everyone is watching me.” Some will complain about being made to look and dress a certain way. I have to do all these things just because my dad is the pastor. I could list dozens of preachers’ kids who are grown now and have no desire to be a part of church or ministry. They will say that they got burned out, mistreated, forced into, missed out, pin-pointed, and many other phrases that can present their cause on how bad life was for them. I also know of countless young people who have a grateful heart that they grew up around the ministry, governed by guidelines, encouraged to serve, committed to set a testimony for other young people. The “bubble” for them is a privilege that they do not take lightly. They count it reasonable to be different for the sake of the Savior as well as their parents.
I do believe that parents can have a great deal to do with the attitude their children have toward being a preacher’s kid. Some parents will push the guidelines without preparing the hearts. If the children have learned how to love the Lord and love their parents, then it can be a reasonable service not to conform to the world. If our homes can be a haven of love and happiness, then walking out into the “bubble” for a while does not seem to be a great sacrifice. I’m thinking of a large family that was in the ministry for several years. Two of the children came to hear me preach at a church and I saw them weeping through the whole service. They came to the altar and said that their hearts had been refreshed through the service. Afterwards, they asked if they could speak to me for a few minutes. They said they could not go into a lot of detail, but they felt like they could never be under their dad’s ministry again. They talked about some of the ways that they had been put through “prison-camp” when it came to the ministry. They said that Dad is someone completely different when he is away from other preachers. I’ve tried to keep up with those young people as much as I can and as far as I know, none of them are in the ministry and most of them do not go to church at all. Some of the kids are living a gothic life. I wonder if growing up in a home void of real love and happiness sent them down that trail. A preacher’s home, of all homes, should be a testimony of love, forgiveness, sincerity, servitude, joyfulness and grace. Maybe we should spend more time building our children than using them to build our ministries.
I was thankful to grow up as a PK. My parents are my heroes. The ministry was my life. From the time I was ten I was actively involved in serving in the church. My parents were not perfect, but they were perfect to me. Their love made the ministry easy for me to commit to. I saw people hurt them, but they did not become bitter. I saw them give without being giving to, without any complaint. What people saw of them at church was what they were at home. I have always happily and thankfully worn the “PK” banner.
I want to share with you ten pearls of truth that I learned from growing up “PK”
1. I was able to see the faith of preachers. I had the joy of spending time with numerous preachers growing up. I was privileged to fellowship with Lee Roberson, Tom Williams, John R. Rice, Bill Rice, Jack Hyles, Bob Kelly, Jack Hudson, Paul Levin, and so many other missionaries and pastors. Two things that stuck out in my mind from these great men of God were their faith and their grace. Each were an example to me to step out by faith and to treat people with grace. I was humbled that some of these great men of God would eat and fellowship with a young boy like me and spend time telling me how God had worked in their life. It made me respect the men of God and care for the men of God. I had a more gracious view of my father after spending time with these saints of God.
2. I acquired a taste for preaching. We have all heard that the more you are around something, you acquire a taste for it. That was the way preaching was for me. From an early age, I could not get enough of it. My dad preached many revival meetings when I was growing up and I loved going with him. We would often travel a couple of hours away to go to a meeting and Dad and I would get to talk about the ministry. On the way home, we would often turn on the radio and I remember listening to Maze Jackson, J. Harold Smith, and others preaching on the radio. I couldn’t get enough of it. I learned to love loud preaching, soft preaching, long preaching, short preaching, topical, textual, expository, and on down the line. As much as I loved sports, recreation, hunting and fishing, I loved preaching. Growing up “PK” did not push me away from preaching, it gave me a deeper love.
3. I developed a love for people. I saw my parents give themselves unconditionally to the people God have given to them, often times it was with no thankfulness in return. Sometimes it was met with resistance and disdain, but I saw them give, not for what they would get in return, but for God’s blessing. What a great lesson for me to learn as a young man. I was able to learn early that people who are hurting need love no matter how hard their exterior may seem to be. God gave himself for people. The ministry is for people. The pastor’s life is people. I learned to love people while growing up “PK”.
4. I learned to love the church. I feel sorry for preachers’ kids that leave the home and never darken the door of the church again. Many of them, sadly, never saw God in the church or in the home. They were made to put on their church look when they walked into the church building. They were made to appreciate church without being encouraged to have a relationship with the God of the church. Early in my years church became my life, my heartbeat, my encouragement, my pleasure, my strength. Much of my love for church came because my parents encouraged me to love God. Some of the greatest memories of my youth were at the church altar, the bus route, the Sunday School class. I looked forward to revival time as much as youth activity time. I can honestly say that my parents helped to instill in me a lasting love for the house of God.
5. I was taught to make priorities in life. I found out early that one of the keys of life was putting things in priority. God was always first in our home. It was never sports or any other form of recreation. When I was in high school I was addicted to basketball. Every moment possible, I was at the YMCA playing basketball. My junior year, I was given all-american honors. My high school team was doing good that year. I would like to think that I had a big part in their success (I’m not sure that is true). We had come to the week of a major tournament that our team was involved in. The same week was the week of our revival at church. I felt like my team really needed me, but my dad felt like I really needed the revival. I missed the tournament that week and came to the revival. You know what, I never have regretted that my dad taught me some priorities. I still love sports, but God’s work is far more important in my eyes. Other priorities have made a difference in my life. I have come to understand through the life of a “PK”, that the ministry is not near as important as is my family. Many pastors lose their families because they nourish the ministry more than the home. I realized a long time ago that I do not have a ministry if my family is not in order. I’m grateful that I was able to gain priorities growing up “PK”.
6. I learned I had to be myself. Growing up, I was identified often times as Tom Lancaster’s son. I did not mind that at all. I was thankful for what a wonderful preacher Dad was. Some people said we looked alike. As I got older, some said that we talked alike. As I was growing up, I found that I quickly adopted the beliefs of parents. Their doctrine was mine. Their convictions were mine. Their love for the ministry was mine. As I grew older, Dad began to direct me that the way they believed could direct me, but I would have to form my own beliefs and carry them as my own convictions. I’m thankful that at a young age I learned my convictions and beliefs for myself from the Word of God. I see too many young people who carry their parents’ beliefs until they get out of the house. Because they were not personally grounded with their beliefs, they changed completely from how they were raised. Growing up “PK” taught me that I could not stand on who my parents were, I had to be myself.
7. I learned to take hurt. I found out early in the life of being a “PK” that people are going to hurt you in the ministry. It seemed that the people who my parents invested the most in would sometimes be the ones who hurt them the most. I saw my dad do good things for people who had just hurt him deeply. As a young man, I could not understand that. I always wanted to go and take care of the issue for my parents. I felt like a good chewing out would always solve the problem. I found out early that you must try not to take hurt personally. People often do things before they think and it was really not to hurt you personally. I heard my dad say, more than once, “that God would fight our battles for us”. From growing up “PK”, I have learned that you will get hurt in the ministry, but learn to have the grace of God not to fight back at those who hurt you.
8. I learned to enjoy the ministry. Over the years I have had the opportunity to mop floors, clean toilets, work on buses, drive buses, clean buses, visit people, stack chairs, work sound systems, set up sound systems, teach Sunday School, teach children church, preach, do youth activities, go to camp, go to youth conferences, swallow goldfish, swallow worms, took pies in the face, drown in dunking booths, build walls, put on roofs, put down carpet, go on mission trips, cut grass, paint walls, take up offering, usher, count money, clean up flooded church floors, put in lights, perform weddings, perform funerals, watch people step over into Glory, visit people in prison, and on the list goes. I’m thankful that growing up “PK” did not make me disdain all these things, but it just caused me to enjoy it more.
If you are the child of a missionary or pastor, learn to love the opportunity that God has placed you in.
Truths for Today 